2011-06-14T13:21:08-0500 2018-06-26T22:08:53-0500 True What emotions do you experience when you see an email or text come up in your inbox from your child?s other parent? Anxiety, irritation, exasperation? Or on the flip side, what are your feelings when you have to bring something up with your Ex? It?s… What emotions do you experience when you see an email or text come up in your inbox from your child?s other parent? Anxiety, irritation, exasperation? Or on the flip side, what are your feelings when you have to bring something up with your Ex? It?s…
Published: Jun 14, 2011
Updated: Jun 26, 2018

Navigating the Emotional Roller Coaster of Communicating With the Other Parent

What emotions do you experience when you see an email or text come up in your inbox from your child’s other parent?  Anxiety, irritation, exasperation?  Or on the flip side, what are your feelings when you have to bring something up with your Ex?  It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster. 

For the sake of your kids, you have to push past the emotions to take care of the business of co-parenting.  One way to manage your feelings is to make sure you’re addressing co-parenting issues, rather than keeping old arguments alive or proving you’re more right than the other person. Here are some steps to help you stay emotionally neutral in your communications:

  1. Don’t forget to breathe.  Emotions bring about physical reactions.  Concentrating on taking slow, deep breaths has many benefits:  it decreases elevated heart rate; aids in lowering blood pressure, and can clear the mind.
  2. Feelings come and go.  Therefore, how you feel in the moment (no matter how intense) is not how you might feel an hour from now, 12 hours from now, tomorrow, or next week.
  3. Given the fact that feelings come and go, wait.  Wait until you’ve had time to think about your response. Wait until you’ve had time to get some physical exercise or rest or nourishment.  Wait until you’ve had time to talk it over with a trusted friend or advisor.
  4. Ignore emotional language in emails/texts you receive; remove emotional language from communications you send.  Responding to each other’s emotional language only makes co-parenting more difficult and detracts from your real job of raising healthy, well-adjusted kids. 

Joan Pechauer, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, is the owner of ExSpouseCommunications, a service that helps divorced parents respond to difficult correspondence and/or approach difficult subjects with a former partner.